Just when you thought it was safe to begin...

Here come the hecklers.

What is it about beginning something new that invites all the crazy voices to set up shop to heckle and harass us? Whether it is a blank white canvas, an empty page, or launching a project, the act of beginning is rife with vulnerability and makes us easy prey for doubt in our ideas, our work, and ourselves. I don’t think it matters how long you have been travelling this creative road, we are all susceptible to thoughts that can derail us if we give in to them.

Those very voices can be what stops an idea before it’s able to take a first breath. In most cases, fear is the fuel that gives energy to these harsh voices. Fear of not being perfect, of not being the best, of not being ‘successful’, of not being good enough, of not being/doing it the ‘right’ way (whatever that is). I call this side of it the fear of not and this list is a long one, and slick too because it evolves and morphs as we ourselves change over the course of our journeys. I’ll add that it isn’t just the creative aspect that this fear of not likes to sneak into our psyche-we are vulnerable in anything we undertake!

I may not have a PhD. in psychology (definitely don’t) but life experience in doing my own creative work and coming alongside others, encouraging them to own their own creative natures, has demonstrated again and again the painful results of allowing those voices to get too loud. In The Gifts of Perfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, Brene Brown, who does have a PhD. and a lot of other letters behind her name, says

“We all have gifts and talents. When we cultivate those gifts and share them with the world, we create a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives.

I think a lot of us know this, accept this, but we are also masterful at finding excuses, or creating reasons, why we don’t do the very things that give us that extra spark in our lives. She goes on to say that

Squandering our gifts brings distress to our lives. As it turns out, it’s not merely benign or “too bad” if we don’t use the gifts that we’ve been given; we pay for it with our emotional and physical well-being…We feel disconnected and weighed down by feelings of emptiness, frustration, resentment, shame, disappointment, fear, and even grief.

If you have ever felt the agitation that bubbles up when you’ve put off doing creative work, or felt at loose ends the more you keep denying your creative calling, or dream, or even your next project, then you understand.

I sat down this morning to really dig into the stacks and piles of work I have been accumulating to start the winnowing process. The first few poems I read had promise, but I noticed as I went on my level of anxiety and doubt began to rise. What had I done? Why had I decided to do this publicly, this work isn’t strong enough, I’m not a real writer, I’m not significant enough artist to be putting work out there anymore…Wow. I was all in for the crazy ride. Have you ever felt that? Even tiptoeing out of our comfort zones can start an avalanche of self doubt.